Dealing with the guilt and shame of genital herpes virus

They say that there is no cure for herpes but what about your feelings?

Herpes is very much affected by emotions. Yet no one is addressing the shame, guilt anger and frustration that comes along with a Herpes outbreak. Here are a few ways to deal with them as well as overcoming the virus through lifestyle changes, nutrition and holistic treatments and supplements.

A good nourishing diet, some mental hygiene, along with positive emotions can go a long way in reducing the frequency and severity of attacks.

How do you ask for help about curing herpes?

Maybe you’ve just found out you’ve got it, or
Maybe you heard that someone else has it.
Maybe you think you have it but are afraid to ask someone.

The truth is most people feel shame, embarrassment and fear whenever the “H” word or herpes virus is being discussed. Many people feel guilty and full of self-blame thinking that they “brought it on themselves”.

Others feel that they are being punished by God for their sexual activity. And still others fall into a depression and suffer from low self-esteem, wondering if anyone will want to date them or be sexual with them again.

These emotions create a great deal of stress in people and are just as important to treat as the physical symptoms of the virus. Why does “catching a virus” cause such emotional upheaval? It doesn’t happen with the flu virus or any other virus. But the Herpes virus has the stigma of sexual activity surrounding it. Time to find out what the thought forms around Herpes is and release them.

MYTH #1– Herpes is a very contagious virus. “I’ll pass this to everyone I know!”

FALSE You cannot transmit or catch the herpes virus through the air you breathe or from casual contact on toilet seats, chairs, and similar sorts of workplace or home contact. You can only catch herpes from skin-to-skin contact with an infected area. Herpes is not considered to be a virus that is easily caught like the common cold.

MYTH #2– Herpes is rare. “Why am I the only one who has this?”

FALSE 70-80% of people experience Oral Herpes (cold sores) by the age of ten years old. Most acquire the virus non-romantically as a baby or young child when they receive a kiss from an adult who carries the Oral Herpes virus. Genital Herpes affects about 25% of Americans. This means 1 in 4 people have it, with total numbers of carriers of the Genital Herpes virus exceeding 50 million people in America alone. You are not alone.

MYTH #3– The only way to catch herpes is by having sex. “I must sleep around too much.”

FALSE While being sexually promiscuous does carry increased risks of acquiring any STD, you can just as easily catch Herpes from a long term partner or in a monogamous relationship as you can from a one night stand. Again, 1 in 4 people in America have herpes and many are not aware that they do, or that they can shed virus even when they don’t have blisters. The virus can also remain dormant (or hidden) for years. Often people don’t know that they have it until they pass it to a partner.

Myth #4– Herpes is so dangerously contagious that having a baby is too risky. “I can never have a baby.”

FALSE! Women who have genital herpes before they become pregnant have a very low risk of transmitting the virus to their babies. Less than 0.1% of babies born in the United States each year get neonatal herpes. Fetuses are at highest risk if the mother gets first time genital herpes outbreaks late in the pregnancy. In all cases in which the mother either has genital herpes or develops it during pregnancy, it is essential to tell the treating physician or mid-wife so that all possible precautions.


These 4 Myths often cause undue stress and worry in people who acquire the virus.

Five Stages of dealing with Herpes

Allow yourself to go through each stage & don’t get stuck there.

Stage #1: Denial– Ignoring symptoms and/or denying that they could be Herpes:

“It’s a pimple, it’s a rash, it’s jock itch, it’s an allergy, it’s nothing.”

Even after a diagnosis is made, people can remain in denial. “This isn’t happening to me.” Or, “This isn’t going to put a damper on my sex life!”

Stage #2: Anger– Angry, raging, or vengeful feelings to the person who gave it to you, to yourself, or to God (or your Higher Power):

“That %$I%! jerk! I want revenge!” — “Why did I ever sleep with him/her? I am such an idiot!” — “Why am I being punished?! Life is so unfair!”

Stage #3: Bargaining- Another form of denial, trying to making a deal
or promise with God (or your Higher Power) or yourself:

“God, if you can make it so these blisters aren’t Herpes, I’ll never have sex again, or I’ll give up drinking, or I’ll go to Church every week, or…”

Stage #4: Depression- Feeling sad, hopeless, and/or helpless, and having low self-esteem, sometimes accompanied by a change in eating, sleeping, exercise, work, and social habits:

“Life sucks. I’m worthless. I’m a bad person. I’m being punished for my sexual behavior. The pain will never go away. No one will ever want to be with me sexually again. What’s the point of even dating?”

Stage #5: Acceptance- Feelings of calm and being at peace. Being basically happy and hopeful about the future, and resuming normal eating, sleeping, exercise, work and social habits:

“I caught a virus. It can be a nuisance, and it is something I need to manage and be aware of, but I’m okay. I’m a good person. I don’t blame myself and I’m not being punished by God. I will be careful, take better care of myself, decrease my stress levels, and will approach life with a positive outlook. There are many people with Herpes out there. I may meet someone who already has it. Or there are plenty of people who can understand and accept that I have this. It does not have to be deal-breaker in a dating or long-term relationship.”

Information on holistic perspectives on herpes virus visit here:


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